Life is Fragile

Lesson from an Elder

Thursday, April 10th, 2025

Writing to you from Denver, Colorado

It’s been just barely over two months since traveling to the Falkland Islands to learn how to sail aboard the Amundsen.

Every time I talk about it I can’t help myself from saying that it was the strangest thing I’ve ever done. Desolate land, harsh weather, 51 degrees south latitude, penguins everywhere, and a new skill.

But, one of the best aspects of it all was the people…

After working on wildfires (where you practically have to live with your paramedic partner who is most likely a complete stranger to you) and then living with people on a boat, it’s interesting to see just how quickly good relationships can be formed.

You are completely immersed in a world with other people and there’s no escaping…

That makes it sound bad and sometimes it can be frustrating, but moments of pure gold can come from these situations. There’s something about being in continuous close proximity that makes people open up to one another.

If you’re willing to listen they will tell you everything.

A Lesson?

There were only two other students on the trip. Both were women over the age of 60 - one had sailed quite a bit and the other had hardly ever sailed, although her husband had won a sailing circumnavigation race earlier in his life.

The two of them were good people. Each had their own wisdom to impart.

The elder of the two women would often sit out on deck when the weather was nice - usually with a cup of english tea and a book. Sometimes I would join her outside for a bit and we’d talk.

I had the chance to ask her one of my favorite questions one day and the answer she gave me was good, but unexpected…

“What are some of the greatest lessons you’ve learned in your life?”, I asked.

She thought for a moment, then said: “Perhaps it’s that life is fragile. To enjoy it while it’s going well, but to also be aware that there will come a time in your life when everything gets flipped upside down.”

I’ll never forget this answer or what she told me next.

First, her flat mate in London was murdered, which would later on cause her to make the decision to quit her job as a lawyer. Then, while she was married to her first husband, she began to notice that he was spending lots of time with her best friend…

She thought it was a little odd, but shrugged it off as friendliness.

At the same time her mother was very ill. If I remember correctly she had cancer and was slowly dying. Her father, who she said could stand just about anything, completely broke down.

He stopped eating.

She tried to keep him going by feeding him life-sustaining medication from Switzerland (I’m not sure what the medication was) and he assumed it was some sort of candy. Yet, after coming home one day she tried to feed him more, but he refused.

She thinks he must have found the container, read that that they were life-sustaining, and knew he didn’t want them anymore.

Her mother and father died around the same time but, to make a depressing situation even more terrible, when she returned home to her husband he told her that he was in fact cheating on her with her best friend and that he was leaving her to marry her friend.

She had no job, lost both her parents and her flat mate, and her husband left her for her best friend.

I don’t think words can describe the pain that would come from that.

What Matters?

There’s a part of her story that I admire:

After her life had crumbled, she left London to live in her parents home out in the country. For a while her friends would try to cheer her up by entertaining her - taking her places and doing things together. It was alright for a little while, but something didn’t feel right about it.

From what she told me, she realized that what she really needed was not to be entertained, but to sit and think, alone.

From there she began to build herself and her life back up again.

Impressive.

I think that the understanding of the finitude of life and its fragility go hand in hand. This woman that I met (and wish I could meet again) had a very clear understanding of both of those things.

Since those rough times, her life has become much more rich…she lives well.

And fear doesn’t rule over her the way it once did.

Anyway, there’s been a theme recently of putting greater value on those of us who are much older than the rest. Untold amounts of wisdom are contained in some of those in older generations. If you find yourself around them, keep quiet and just listen.

You’ll hear things that may change the way you think about life.

-Maxim Benjamin Smith